


Mean Boys

by phoenicia1533



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, Gender-Neutral Hange Zoë, Inspired by a Movie, M/M, Math Geek! Eren, Mean Girls Quotes, Mean Girls References, Mikasa Ackerman & Levi Are Related, POV Eren Yeager
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-03-31 16:44:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3985429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenicia1533/pseuds/phoenicia1533
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren Jaeger, 17, transferred all the way from Germany to Trost because his parents, who were active medical personnel, wanted to give him a taste of a normal adolescent life.</p><p>But when he meets the Plastics, the reigning royalty of the school, it looks like he's going to be involved in more shit than he ever expected just by reading about adolescence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The New Student from Germany

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is not my first Attack on Titan fanfiction, but I think this will be my first fic that I will be able to continue because who doesn't fucking love Mean Girls?
> 
> I look forward to hearing from all of you. *bows*

“We have a new student today, and he’s coming all the way from Germany!” The principal, named Dot Pixis, opened as he entered the class I was in. He’s a bald old man, wearing a crisp light blue button-up and khaki slacks with black shoes.  
“Welcome!” Our homeroom teacher, who introduced herself as Petra Ral, said to a girl who was blonde and blue-eyed who was sitting by the window.  
“I’m actually from Stohess,” she deadpanned.  
"Oh. Great.”

I raised my hand so that the attention may be given to me. I have to save that poor girl.

"Yes?"  
"I'm actually the one from Germany, ma'am."  
"Ma'am? Oh, please. Just call me Miss Petra."  
"As I said, I was the one from Germany, Miss Petra."  
"Alright, introduce yourself, Mister Germany."

I stood up, went in front of the class, and introduced myself.

"Hello, my name is Eren Jaeger, and I come from Germany. I look forward to working with you."

Let's have a short recap of how I came here.

My parents, Grisha and Karla Jaeger, are active medical personnel - actually, they're veterinarians, so they used to travel around the world and help animals. Of course, they had to bring me with them because I'm their only son and they had no one to leave me to. Since my childhood, my parents taught me everything I knew - from reading to writing, even to patching my clothes up to using chopsticks. As for academics, I was home schooled. I had no experience of socializing with actual people aside from my parents, and most of my time has been for socializing with animals. In this regard, I've always thought of animals as better companions, even though they're a bit wild and unpredictable - but it seems that the animals I've met like me instantly.

As I said before, I was home schooled. I probably know what you're thinking - that home schooled people are freaks. Or that we're weirdly religious or something.

But I'm telling you, we're perfectly normal. My parents and I decided that a year before I become of legal age, I should have a taste of what it means to have actual people (aside from my parents) to talk and interact with, because they feared that it may make me anti-social or a little crazy. That makes them normal, right? It also good that my dad was offered a good-paying job here in Trost as the City's Top Veterinarian. 

So it was goodbye Germany and hello high school - and that brings me here today in Trost High School, the 'Home of the Titans'.

I was as excited as I was when I first met a panda back in China. I can barely sleep. My parents, as excited as I am, tried to prepare me a box lunch - but because they can't cook for shit (yes, that's pretty disappointing), they ended almost burning the new kitchen down as I was taking my shower. My backpack contained all the things I deemed essential for learning - pens, notepads, you name it. I was actually surprised that it was a little heavy that I expected.

Anyway, on my down, I saw my parents staring up the stairs and at me.

My mother spoke first and hands me money. "Eren, this is your lunch money. I'm sorry we weren't able to prepare you lunch - I promise, I'll practice!"  
"We gave you $20. Spend it all if you want, son, don't have any second thoughts," my father assured.  
"I can see that, dad, mom, thanks," I replied.

As I walk through the door, my mother spoke again. "You do remember how to use your phone, right Eren? You have all our numbers there. Call us if you need anything, okay?"  
"Mom, we talked about this. It's just high school."

Later on, I will regret saying that, and realize that that was the biggest load of bullshit I have ever thought of.

I reached Trost High in record time. I was excited to make friends. I had this big, welcoming grin on my face, as to invite people to approach and initiate conversation. But when I landed my feet on the lawn in front of the school, I was dumbstruck. A little group shouted at me for stepping on the lawn, asking if I was a dumb fuck and didn't know how to read. I thought that these people may be hard-core rule-followers or environmentalists, so I simply apologized, returned to the path, and walked towards the school administration office. A small, blonde, emotionless girl was behind the counter - she looked like she was in charge. I asked for my schedule and she handed it to me, without even pronouncing a single word. I just mumbled my thanks and she just stared at me. I decided to shrug that off as well and proceeded to find my classroom. I was in room 104, and it was my homeroom period. I entered the room and eyed for a seat. I walked slowly and went for the seat by the window in front, but someone was faster than me and just sat there. I am a patient and understanding person - I figured that it may be the boy's seat. I eyed another seat beside a blonde girl, but there was someone faster than me again, and that certain someone proceeded to sit down, grab the blonde girl's head and kiss her so wildly that there was tongue involved. I eyed another seat near the center left of the room, behind a fat guy.

"You don't want to sit there, he farts a lot," a woman with shiny black hair covering her face said.  
"But there's nowhere else," I reasoned out.  
"Then go ahead and sit. I say, don't knock it 'til you try it," a blonde and blue-eyed boy interrupted and smirked.  
"Okay," I offered my hand. "My name is Eren, by the way."  
The blonde just stared at my hand for a second too long and replied with, "Armin Arlert."  
The raven-haired girl scoffed and took my hand. "I'm Mikasa Ackerman. How's your day so far?"  
"Stellar," I sarcastically replied. Who knew I was capable of sarcasm. The blond - Armin - seemed to have understood me and smirked again.  
"Is that your natural hair color?" He asked.  
"Yes, I got it from my dad."  
"How do you call that shade? It's gorgeous," he complemented.  
"Uhh, chocolate-ish brown, I guess? Thank you."  
"See, Mikasa, this is the color I want," he announced, tugging a little harder on my head.  
"Dumbass, blonde looks already good on you." Mikasa looked at me, patting my head. "Sorry about that, Armin's just a little gay to function."  
"And Mikasa's too lesbian to function," Armin retorts.

The first day of school was a blur. A stressful, surreal blur. I got in trouble for the most random things, like wanting to go to the bathroom. Apparently, I needed a bathroom pass for that, and bathroom passes are to be given by the teacher. When I asked for one, he simply smirked and said, "Nice try. Better luck next time, kiddo."

I had never lived in a world where adults didn’t trust me, where they were always yelling at me like I was some dumb brat. “Don’t read ahead!” “No green pens in my class!” “No food allowed!”

I shared the class two periods before lunch with Armin and Mikasa. Thankfully, they didn’t pretend not to know me or ignored me completely. I saw a seat right beside Armin, I took it as a sign that it was unoccupied and it was mine to take and sit on. A few minutes before the class ends and the next one begins, I ask them for directions.

“Hey uh, guys, can I ask you something? Where’s Room 845?”  
“Let me see your schedule,” Mikasa offers her right hand, telling me to hand it over. “Ah, Health. Monday and Thursday, Room 845.”  
“I think that’s in the back building, ‘Kasa,” Armin says.  
“Yeah, I think that’s in the back building,” she agrees.  
“Yeah, we’ll take you there,” Armin offers. “Stand up, we’re going now.”

We exited the room. I was wondering why had to go now, I wasn’t ready for Health class yet. Armin, on the top of his lungs, announced our passage into the hallway. “Watch out please! New meat coming through!” Mikasa, meanwhile, continues to read my schedule. “Health, French… You’re taking AP Calculus? Holy shit!” I simply replied with “Yeah, I like math. It’s the same in every country.”

We reached a wide lawn, where a PE class was obviously occurring. Mikasa and Armin flopped down near a tree.

“Where’s the back building?”  
“It burned down in 2001,” Armin replied.  
“Won’t we get in some sort of trouble for this?”  
“Why would we get you into trouble?” Mikasa replied, looking offended and hurt. “We wouldn’t do that to you. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

I know it’s wrong to skip class, but Mikasa said we were friends; and I was in no position to pass up having friends. I was excited to have some. I guess I’ll never know what I missed on that first day of Health class.

“Why didn’t they keep you home-schooled?” Armin opened.  
“They want me to socialize and interact with people.”  
“Oh, you’ll get that here real good, I’m telling you,” Mikasa said, nodding. “How do you spell your name again?”  
“Eren. E-R-E-N.”

“In the name of all that is holy, will you look at Erwin Smith’s gym clothes? Holy shit, it looks like it’s about to get ripped,” Armin exclaimed out of the blue.  
“Of course all the Plastics are in the same PE class,” Mikasa said irritatingly.  
“Who are the Plastics?” I asked, curious.  
“They’re basically teen royalty,” Mikasa answered.  
Armin took the lead this time, like he knew everything there was to know about these plastic-full of human beings. “That one there, the tall, blonde, hulky one? That’s Erwin Smith. He’s perhaps the most intelligent people here. I don’t know why he’s a part of the Plastics. He’s so hot and rich and smart.”  
Mikasa interrupts. “Armin sat next to him in English last year, and he has him if he knew that only two percent of the world’s population is naturally blonde. Like, holy shit.”  
Armin continues. “That one with the glasses and messy looking ponytail? That’s Hange Zoe. They’re totally rich and smart. People guess it’s because their dad invented Toaster Strudel. The gene pool is awesome. Anyway, Hange Zoe knows everybody’s business. They knows everything about everyone. That’s why their hair is so messy and big – it’s full of secrets.”  
“And evil,” Mikasa purposefully pauses, “takes a human form in Levi Ackerman.”  
“He’s the short, grumpy-looking one with black hair,” Armin describes him.  
“Don’t be fooled, Mikasa warns, “because he seem like your typical self-obsessed, stick-up-in-ass kind of guy, but in reality, he’s more than that.”  
“You know Eren,” Armin leans towards me, “He’s the king around here. Erwin and Hange are just his little workers.”

How do people begin to explain Levi Ackerman?

“Levi Ackerman is flawless.”  
“He has two Yves Saint Laurent bags and a black Harley.”  
“I hear his hair’s insured for a million dollars.”  
“I hear he does car and motorcycle commercials… In London.”  
“His favorite movie is Love Actually.”  
“One time, he met Cara Delevingne on a plane, and she told him he was hot.”  
“One time, he punched me in the face because he said I was being a little shit. It was awesome.”


	2. He Meets the Plastics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, I just finished with my undergraduate thesis presentation so I'm a bit late. I have to apologize if updates for this fic are going to be sporadic, because I'm working on another fic which is for Kuroko no Basuke. I have to admit that this fic was a spur of the moment.
> 
> Please do understand and be patient for updates.

Armin and Mikasa proceeds to give me a lecture on Titan High’s social hierarchy. They say this map that they made (just a few minutes ago) will become my guide to my stay in Titan High. Furthermore, they tell me that where I sit in the cafeteria, where most people see everybody else, is a crucial fact.

 

“Now before we proceed to the cafeteria itself to get some really awesome cafeteria food, you need to understand this wholeheartedly.” Mikasa starts. “You got your freshmen, they’re basically fresh meat like yourself.”

“ROTC guys are,” Armin explains, “like, military people. They come from military families who think that ROTC is their step-one into the military.”

“Then you got the preppies and the JV jocks,” Mikasa added. “Reiner Braun, one of the jocks, totally decided that they sit beside the preppies because he secretly sees one of the preps, Bertholdt Hoover.”

“Then you got the Asians, like Mikasa, but they are, according to Mikasa, a grade less. You’ve got Asian nerds who continuously speak their native tongue while discussing the theory of relativity. Cool Asians, who also speak in their native tongue while discussing pop culture,” Armin said. “Varsity jocks are comprised of both basketball and soccer jocks because they like balls – one way or another – too much. And that’s according to Hange Zoe, not me.”

“Behind them you see the unfriendly black hotties, who think that their blackness make them snobbish, where in fact they just look hotter and intimidates everyone else.”

“Girls who eat their feelings – I tell you, Eren, I just might join them one day – and girls who don’t eat anything but smoke weed all day are sitting side by side.”

“Desperate wannabes are like Plastics-copycats, then you have your burnouts. I still don’t know what they’re so burnt about,” Mikasa blandly states. “Then sexually active band geeks. I’ve been coming to their gigs once in a while. I think I like Annie Leonhardt.”

“Keep that to yourself, Mikasa, else Hange Zoe hears that,” reminds Armin. “This is where we sit, yes, I know, it’s like two people away from the Plastics. But this table belongs to the greatest people you will ever meet, Eren.”

“And the worst, of course. They sit in the very middle of the cafeteria. Don’t you ever dare to pass there. Beware of the Plastics, Eren.”

 

Within a few minutes, Armin, Mikasa and Eren went to the cafeteria – and to my surprise, it’s packed – and everybody’s really in their respective places. I gulp as I see Levi Ackerman carrying a tray full of nothing but a plate of lasagna.

 

As I traverse my way to where Armin and Mikasa are currently sitting, someone approached me.

 

“Hey, I’m Moblit Berner. We’re doing a lunchtime survey of new students. Can you answer a few questions?”

This Moblit guy seems friendly enough, so I reply “okay.”

“Is your cherry popped?”

“Sorry, what?”

“Would you like us to assign someone to pop your cherry?”

“My what?”

 

“Oi, kid. Is geekface here bothering you?”

 

_Oh. My. God. Was that the Plastics? My god, was that Levi Ackerman’s voice? I turn to where the voice was last heard, and there he was. Levi Ackerman in the flesh, looking at me with a deadpan expression. God, his voice was deep and sultry and holy shit, it’s just hot._

 

“Moblit, why are you such a skeeze?” Hange interrupted.

“I’m just being friendly.”

“You were supposed to call me last night!” They wheezed.

“Moblit,” Levi calls him. Moblit guy turns around with a scared, about-to-piss-himself expression. “You do not come to party at my house with Hange and then scam on some poor, innocent brat right in front of us three days later. He’s not interested in your ass.” He turns to me. “Do you wanna have sex with him, kid?”

“N-No, thank you,” I nervously reply.

Levi returns his attention to Moblit. “Good, so it’s settled. So you can go shave your back now.”

“Bye, Moblit,” Hange waves.

 

 _What an asshole – a hot one_.

 

“Where are you going, brat?”

 

_Is that him again?_

“Wait, sit down,” he gently orders.

 

I turn to him, then I tried to find Armin and Mikasa. They were having those panicked expressions. It looks like I have to hurry.

 

“Seriously, sit down,” so I do sit, in front of him. I see Erwin Smith on his left, reading something, but surely listening. I see Hange Zoe on his right, listening more intently than usual. “Why don’t I know you?”

“Uh… I’m new. I just moved here from Germany,” I explained.

“What?”

“I was home-schooled.”

“Wait, what?”

“My parents taught me home…” I tried to explain what home schooling is, because it looks like Levi doesn’t know it.

“No, no. I know what home-school is, kid, I’m not retarded,” he shut me up. “So you’ve actually never been to a real school before?”

 

I simply shake my head.

 

“Shut up,” he says. “Shut up!”

“… I didn’t say anything.” _What the hell is with this guy?_

“Home-schooled, huh? That’s really interesting.”

“Thank you.”

“But you’re like, really hot.” _Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit_.

“Thank you, I guess?”

“So you agree.”

“What?”

“You think you’re really hot.”

“Oh, I don’t know…”

“Oh my god, I love your necklace there. Where did you get it?”

I caress it. “Oh, my dad gave it to me when I was 12.”

“It’s adorable,” he says.

“Oh, it’s so fetch,” Hange interrupts.

Levi turns to Hange. “What is fetch, four-eyes?”

“Oh, it’s like, slang. From England,” they explain.

“So,” Erwin Smith finally speaks. “If you’re from Germany, why are you brunet? You do know that Germans like blonde and blue eyes.”

“Oh my God, Erwin, you can’t just ask people why they’re brunet,” Hange laughs loudly.

“Could you give us some privacy for like, one second?” Levi asks.

“Yeah, sure.” I turn my head to Armin and Mikasa. She mouths, “what the hell are you doing?” I simply shrug, because I don’t have the slightest idea of what the hell is going on.

“Okay,” Levi starts again. “You should just know that we don’t do this a lot, so this is like, a really huge deal.” He pauses, looks to Erwin and Hange. “We wanna invite you to have lunch with us every day, for the rest of the week.

 

_What the hell is going on? Why is the Plastics asking me to eat lunch with them? Why is Levi Ackerman_ _asking me to eat lunch with them?_

 

“Coolness.” Hange says.

“So we’ll see you tomorrow,” Levi says, and winks.

“Hey, German boy,” Erwin calls. “On Wednesdays, we wear pink.”


	3. Meet the Friendzone

“Oh, my god. Okay, you have to do it, Eren. Okay?”

 

And that’s how Mikasa Ackerman reacts when I told them about the offer the Plastics gave me. I was thinking that it was a little overreacting, but she seems to be really into it. I like making my friends happy.

 

“And then you have to tell us all the horrible things that Levi Ackerman says,” she tells me.

 

I’m a little confused. Aren’t they like, relatives? Yes, I know sharing the same family name doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re relatives, but they look similar. Black hair, pointing eyes… This is really confusing me.

 

“Levi seems… Sweet,” I pondered. What? He really does, though I’m thinking he’s a little socially awkward. He did defend me from being sexually harassed.

 

“Look, Eren. Levi Ackerman is not sweet. He’s a cum-swallowing whore. He ruined my life,” Mikasa scoffed.

“I have to admit that he’s fabulous, but he’s really evil, Eren,” Armin interrupts.

“Hey, Armin! Get the fuck out of here, this is the girls’ fucking bathroom!” The not-German girl, named Historia Reiss, complained while walking out.

“Oh my God, Historia!” He followed her.

“Why do you hate him so much, Mikasa?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Levi. You seem to really hate him.”

“Yes, what’s your question?”

“Well, my question is, why?”

“Well, for starters,” Armin struts back inside. “Levi started this rumor that Mikasa was…”

“ARMIN! Can you not?” She thrusted her hand towards Armin’s mouth to shut him up. “Now look, this isn’t about hating him, okay? I just think it would be like, a fun little experiment if you were to hang out with him and then tell us everything that they say.”

 

That seems a little easy. It’s like being a double-cross agent. Awesome. I feel awesome already.

 

“What do they even talk about?”

“Hair products, I guess,” Armin theorized. “You do realize that both Erwin and Levi share undercuts that are pristinely kept?”

“Ashton Kutcher,” Mikasa argues.

What is that? Is that a thing? A person? I know double-cross but I don’t know who or what Ashton Kutcher is. God. “Is that a band?”

“Eren, would you just do it, please?”

“Okay, fine,” I gave up. “Do you have anything pink?

“Yes,” Armin happily replies.

“No,” Mikasa grumbles.

 

By eighth period, I was so happy. It was already time for math class. I mean, I’m good at math. I understand math. Nothing in math class could possibly mess me up. I’m a math dude.

 

“Hey, do you have a pencil I can borrow?” I see Levi Ackerman sitting in front of me in math class. Holy god. I didn’t even think that he’d be interested in math - not that he seemed stupid or anything, I just don’t see a math vibe coming from him. And I thought I can escape Levi Ackerman’s clutches during class time. God, I was so mistaken.

 

You see, I’ve had one other crush in my life. His name was Sharle Inocencio and we were… Well, to say the least, it didn’t work out. But this one, this one shitty crush I have on Levi Ackerman, was like a big, yellow school bus that I avoided to ride this morning.

 

“Hey Eren, what do you say?” Miss Petra, who was my homeroom teacher, was also my math teacher. Brilliant.

 

He was so…

 

“So cute,” I loudly whispered. Ah, fuck. Fuck it all. “I mean, A-sub-N equals N plus one over four.”

“That’s right. That’s good, very good, actually. Alright, let’s talk about your homework.”

 

Groans. Groans everywhere.

 

That afternoon, I walked home. I didn’t want to ride the bus, because I don’t want to be reminded of the big, yellow bus called Levi Ackerman.

 

“Hey, sweetie,” my mother welcomed me with a hug. “How was your second day?”

“Fine.”

“Were people nice?”

“No.”

“Did you make any friends?”

“Yes.”

 

Having lunch with The Plastics was like leaving the actual and entering fantasy land. I couldn’t help but stare at Levi Ackerman. I couldn’t help but be curious if Hanji Zoe has folders in her hair. I couldn’t help but listen every time Erwin Smith tries to explain existentialism.

 

However, apparently, this fantasy world I’ve entered has a lot of rules.

 

“You can’t wear a tank top two days in a row, and you can only try and wear your hair in a ponytail once a week…” I was in a hurry today, because today was Wednesday, I had to wear pink, and today’s the first day with the Plastics. “So I guess you picked today,” Hanji said. “Oh, and we only wear jeans or track pants on Fridays. Now, if you break any of these rules, honeybunch, you can’t sit with us at lunch. I mean, not just you. Like, any of us.”

“Okay, so if I was wearing jeans today,” Erwin started. “I would be sitting over there with the art freaks, trying to debunk the genius that they say is Mona Lisa.”

“Oh, and we always vote before we ask someone to eat lunch with us because you have to be considerate of the rest of the group,” Hanji adds.

“Well, Eren,” it was Levi’s turn now, I guess. “You wouldn’t buy a pair of pants without asking your friends first if it looks good on you.”

“I wouldn’t?”

“Right,” Levi paused. “It’s the same with guys too. Like, you may think you like someone, but…”

“You could be dead wrong,” Hanji says with a dead expression.

 

Jeez, those are a lot of stuff to remember. Well, I just hope I wouldn’t forget them.

 

“120 calories and calories from fat. What percent is that?” Levi asks, eyeing his granola bar.

“48,” I answer.

“I’m only eating food with less than percent calories from fat,” he simply explained.

“It’s percent. Well, over equals X over, then you cross-multiply and get the value of X.”

 

Shit, I geeked out. Shit. I’m so feeling that Levi’s turned off now.

 

“Whatever,” he stands. “I’m getting cheese fries.” He left.

 

“So, have you seen any people that you think are cute yet?” Hanji probes.

“Well, there’s this guy in my calculus class…”

“Who is it?” Erwin asks.

“It’s a senior, isn’t it,” Hanji guessed.

“No… It’s actually, uhm. Levi.”

“No!” Hanji shrieks. “Oh no, you can’t like Levi. He doesn’t swing that way. He only likes girls. I think he’s still a little devastated when he broke up with last girlfriend last summer.”

“I thought she dumped him for Ymir,” Erwin added.

“Okay, irregardless,” Hanji held up her hand and scoffed. “Friends are off-limits to being boyfriends or girlfriends.”

“I mean, that’s like, the rules of feminism,” she explained. “Don’t worry, Eren love, I’ll never tell Levi what you said. It’ll be like, our little secret, okay?”

“Okay, Hanji.”


End file.
